PMBR, 3-day

Wow. That PMBR test was brutal. No, that's an understatement. It was impossible. While I was doing the last 100 questions I basically narrowed about 90 percent of them down to either A, B, C or D. Yeah, I know. (In case you're reading this and not studying for the bar there is no E, F, G or H). That sucked. The entire afternoon I couldn't stop telling myself that I was in the process of ruining my life by failing the bar exam. I always have a problem staying focused - random thoughts pop in and out of my brain at the worst times - and I started thinking about what career I could pursue if I didn't pass the bar exam. That's just stupid. I know it's not the real thing, but it was so demoralizing. Driving home I was angry and depressed about the whole thing (although I just graded it and let's just say I'm in the ballpark of the national average so it actually wasn't as terrible as I thought).

Here's the most frustrating part - when this is over next Wednesday at 4:30 p.m. I can honestly say that I did all I could. There was nothing else I could have done. Could I have studied a few more hours a day? On some days, sure. But not really because 14-hour days are wasted on me. I did all I could do. process nothing after a certain point. Maybe I need a prescription for adderal or something if I fail. I had a family crisis earlier in late May and as awful as that was, it has stabilized and I am incredibly lucky that it happened in May and early June as opposed to now, and also lucky that my family completely understood what I was going through and kept telling me to focus on myself rather than the crisis. I'm getting off topic. The point is that maybe I could have added a total of 10-15 additional hours over the 2-3 weeks that the crisis was in full swing. But again, it was the last week of May and the first two weeks of June. And I still studied a full day every day, keeping up with the BarBri paced program and even doing more on my own.

Bottom line is that realistically there wasn't much else I could do. So, yeah, there you have it. I am actually looking forward to the review of the exam tomorrow. I know it's sick but it breaks up the monotony of sitting on my ass all day doing problems and then reviewing them, know what I mean? I wonder if I should do questions on my own after the review? Probably not. Probably do a few hours of FL at night. I can't wait for this to be over. I thought the day I got the results would be the best day but walking out of that exam room might make me even happier.

End of incoherent, ramble. Rest for a little while longer and then do some essays tonight...