what I thought

So I wanted to write this a few days ago but, well, I'm a lawyer so I'm really busy. I like saying that. I'm a lawyer. I'm sure the novelty will wear off quickly.

Mostly when I think about passing the bar I feel two things: relief and a sense of accomplishment. I have no reason to think I'll still be a lawyer in five, 10, 20 years, although I might be. But it was a lot of work. As far as an achievement that involved setting goals and attaining them, this is probably the toughest thing I've ever done. I've done other things that mean more and that are more important to who I am (like getting married, having a baby (soon)) but becoming a lawyer was something I specifically set as a goal. Then I spent what seemed like an eternity accomplishing it. There were plenty of times I thought about quitting and wondered whether it was all worth it. Actually I still wonder if it was worth it. But that's not the point. For me at least, it was a lot of work. But I did it. So that's that.

As for the relief, I think about the down side of law school and studying for the bar and am so glad I don't have to deal with that stuff any more. Don't get me wrong - I miss certain things about law school, just as I predicted (I'm way too lazy to find the link but I wrote about this last spring, April or May) -- three-day weekends, wearing shorts every day, taking naps, weekends free, being responsible only to myself (ie. knowing I wouldn't get fired from law school like I could theoretically get fired from my job if I decide to fuck around all day). Basically I miss being a second-semester 3L, not being a law student.

I think of all the things that were so monotonous. Even though studying for the bar was only two and a half months, it felt like two and a half years. Getting up and going to BarBri day after day was excruciating. I remember by the end of June having this feeling of dread that I couldn't shake. Doing practice problems every single day for something like 60 or 70 consecutive days and repeatedly missing too many or missing things that I knew the law but couldn't figure out the convoluted answer choices or knowing with 100 percent certainty that my answer was right and finding out that it was actually the wrong choice, well, that was so demoralizing. I know it's like a right of passage and I'm quite proud of myself for passing it, but I can't really understand why it has to be that way. In any case, that's something I'm relieved about not having to deal with.

The other thing I guess I think, along with the relief, is just about the whole first year and half or so when law school was so intense and so all-consuming and such a part of my identity. All that reading and briefing and sitting there listening to Prof. Contracts mutter about stuff only he could understand and watching Prof. Torts get pissed off at someone who didn't understand the impact rule and listening to Prof. Crim Pro's radical theories about how cops are her mortal enemies and hearing Prof. Con Law tell us that the Supreme Court came out wrong on every single case and then watching Prof. Evidence jump on desks and call everyone by name except me and listening to Prof. Business Associations carry on a two-hour conversation with himself...anyway, I survived all that.

So now I'm a lawyer. Some Guy, Esq.

I know I have at least a few more posts in me (the one I promised about the faculty and the one calling out my idiot LRW prof), so check back occasionally, OK.

Hey, did I mention I'm a lawyer? (I promise, I swear the novelty will wear off soon).